Choosing Your Donor

Choosing a donor is one of the most important and profoundly emotional decisions you will ever make. This doesn't mean, however, that it must be a difficult or complicated one. We like to remind future parents that while it may seem important to find a donor with characteristics that will fit with your family, it is not necessary (or even possible) to find a someone exactly like you. Instead, we encourage you to consider each donor as a unique individual, appreciating the ways in which she is similar to you, but also valuing her differences. Keep in mind, too, that female genes are only half of the equation - your future child may end up exactly like his or her father!

Some things to keep in mind as you begin your search:

DO:

Look for qualities that appeal to you without feeling like you have to replace yourself.
Read what each potential donor has to say about herself. This can give you great insight into that individual's personality.
Choose someone who seems like a good fit with your family.
Be aware that choosing a "proven" donor (one who has previously donated eggs that resulted in a pregnancy) does not guarantee a successful cycle. All "proven" donors were once first-time donors.
Remember that it only takes one good egg to produce a healthy embryo. A higher egg count does not necessarily guarantee a successful pregnancy, and there have been countless successful cycles involving donors with lower egg counts.

DON'T:

Try to find a replacement for yourself. There is no such thing!
Fixate on any one or two must-have traits such as a high GPA or a particular blood type. If you do, you may risk overlooking the perfect donor for you.
Force the cycle by feeling that you have a set time frame by which you must be pregnant. It will take time to choose the right donor and to get the cycle underway. Setting arbitrary timelines will only create unnecessary stress for you.
Worry if you're not completely committed to the idea of using donor eggs. You can allow yourself time to feel the loss of a genetic connection to the child. Then, you can move forward when you are ready